The amazing and talented Charlie left me a comment yesterday (Why don’t you try it? It doesn’t hurt) on the blurred lines of kink. Let me quote her directly
So, I’m not sure if you’re taking post suggestions, but if you are, one of the things I’d be really interested for you to write about is how all kink seems increasingly to be labelled as BDSM, whether it is or not. That silly BDSM quiz for example, asks loads of questions about whether you’re a voyeur or exhibitionist, monogamous or not – all things which aren’t BDSM, right?
And she does have a point, that often things get a bit mixed up. It is about Taxonomy and would you believe that after a googling I could not find a chart for the classification of kink. I did briefly think about making one, and sure that would be new fresh content and I would be the first, which is a rare thing. I very quickly reconsidered.
No matter how I organized it I would get it wrong. Kink would be at the top, but would Bondage go under BDSM or alongside it? We would be arguing over it for years to come.
But Charlie is right, the quiz wasn’t solely about BDSM, it mixes D/s, and Poly, and Swinging and a few others. Not that there is anything wrong with those kinks, but they are not BDSM. It is interesting to see the kinks that often get bundled with BDSM practices and sometimes they can be a kink within a kink as it were. For example since Molly belongs to me it is often assumed that I will “lend” her to other people and while that would get her off (with the right people) it doesn’t work for me and assumes something about our D/s relationship that isn’t true (for the moment) and many people have monogamous D/s lifestyles that would frown at the mere suggestion of such a thing.
You know the acronym YKINMYBYKIOK? I think it might need work. How about YKINMKAWMNSTSCOKBIINTWCBSD? (Your Kink Is Not My Kink And We Might Not Share The Same Combination Of Kinks But Isn’t It Nice That We Can Be So Diverse) What do you think? Yeah, probably not.
Here’s the thing, we all do what we do in our own way and very seldom is it the same as it is shown in the wider world of twitter, Fetlife, or books. So I am sorry that my version of BDSM isn’t like the Story of O or frankly any other depiction. To be quite honest as far as I can tell even the acronym is a bit indefinite.
Bondage and Discipline (B&D)
Dominant and submissive (D/s)
Sadism and Masochism (S&M)
While I don’t mind blurred lines and I am happy to blur some to make the relationship that works for us I do try to keep in mind that while all D/s is Kink, not all Kink is D/s.