The blank pages beckon, pull me into their endless embrace, they long to be
filled as I long to fill them but the moment I put fingers to keys the word
fly as startled starlings whisked away in a swirl as if some hidden secret
breeze has caught them up. Pulling away from me, just as I thought them mine.
They dance at the edge of my mind teasing me. I can feel their fluttering,
needing to be tamed, brought to bear for my purpose. I love and fear the words,
for what they bring me contains both hope and despair. Hope that they will
finally bring me what I need, express the very essence of who I am, what I am.
Despair that they will ruin all I have built, change my world and my life in
ways that I cannot comprehend. The words open me to other possibilities, other
dreams that I had thought locked away safe.
I sit quiet and still, while the torrent rages around me, washes over me. A rock
in the whirlpool of feelings, and duties, and honor that constrain me.
The words fall now, for they have caught me and I am the one whirled away.
While I chased them floating on the winds of my mind they circled behind me
and snatched me into their uncaring embrace. I cannot stop them now
for I am taken by the words I’ve tried to own, to understand.
They have now taken me and I must master them, master myself.
How could I think that the words can be tamed?
Might as well try to tame the human heart, to bring its ceaseless steady
rhythm under my conscious control. To make the rain fall at my command
like the words, falling, streaming down.
I gasp for breath now.
Drowning in the thoughts that course through me. Flow in me, and now I know,
as I struggle and strive, that the only way to win is to give in.
Be driven myself as a conduit to set then free.