Here is a painful truth
I have a problem.
I am not good at sharing, well, to be honest I am a generous and sharing man. Do you need help moving? I will be there. Do you need something fixed? I can do that! Need advice or a shoulder to cry on? My ear and shoulder are always available Do you want my wife? Whoa, hold on there a minute Bucko.
I am a jealous man.
I am not proud of this fact about me.
We have always described ourselves as “monogamish” which to us has meant that we are a couple who mostly only play/sleep with each other. I am completely Ok with her having a girlfriend, even if that is a separate relationship to ours. The problem I have is with other men.
Molly is very good at sharing, she doesn’t mind if I do BDSM play with someone. She, in fact, likes to watch me have sex with other women (not that there have been many) and I find that a turn on. So what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, right? Sadly that is where things get tough for me, in so many ways.
Molly is a gorgeous, sensuous, smart, sexy amazing woman, frankly I don’t understand how I got so lucky, and I completely get why others would find her as wonderful as I do. She also loves being desired and desirable (who doesn’t) loves to flirt, and she has never been a believer in monogamy. I love her as she is, I love that she is a self avowed slut, and I love her openness towards sex and relationships. I don’t want to change her one tiny bit on any of those things. If we found the right person she would be right on board with a MFM (or more)
But for whatever reason (and there has been much discussion and introspection as to what those reasons might be) it makes me lose my little mind. My heart pounds, my head aches and I am overwhelmed with a sense of fear. Logically I know that she loves me and would never leave me, but emotionally that helps not one tiny bit.
That brings me to the double whammy, I then feel guilty for keeping her from the things that she desires, from experiencing all that life has to offer her, because how could more be bad?
So here I am gentle reader, trying the best I can to be a better person to the woman that I love, all while feeling bad that I have trouble with what should be a simple thing.
Caught between a cock and a hard place.
P.S. I have listened to podcasts on jealousy, read hundreds of post as well as several books on the topic of jealousy so it isn’t like I am just accepting this flaw, I’m not. I have even made some small strides at stifling that little voice inside me that screams MINE!