Another day, another post and this time I will waffle on (an expression I have learned from Molly) about Fantasy.
Recently I’ve been having an exchange with @euclideanpoint on the topic of fantasies and what details matter. This led to the post Takeaway. I also of course had a discussion about this topic with Molly and how it applied to each of us and how we worked this into our lives in the bedroom and beyond.
To start with I want to address the topic in general. Fantasy is just that, nothing more, it is not a wishlist of things you want to do (some parts of it maybe) so if Molly shares with me, or writes, a fantasy about group sex with a biker gang behind the local pub. I’m not going to start hanging around at the pub trying to make that happen. Neither of us would be happy with the result. What they do offer is insight into what turns us on, the little scary sexy scenarios that we can’t tell to anyone else, but we can share with each other in a safe and non-judgmental way. There are often things that I know that turn her on but don’t do anything for me, that doesn’t mean I don’t whisper those filthy, sexy things into her ear at the right moment, of course I do, turning her on turns me on, even if the fantasy isn’t what floats my boat.
Often when we have tried some new wordplay we will have a chat about what worked and what didn’t (I know, failing on my psychic all knowing Dom powers again) so that we both have a better idea what works, what doesn’t and when to just stop talking. She might say “I really loved that bit last night about fucking under the pier at the beach as the tide came in, but the part about the Eel really squicked me out” To be clear that last statement was for illustration purposes only, I know better than to bring aquatic life into our dirty talk, but you get the idea. It really helps to know if the words and scenes you are building work for your partner, or really just ruining the fun!
We are even different in how we fantasize. Molly has previously written on the topic in her post The Darkness Within so take a moment and go and read that, or not.
I am a person who not only needs a lot of detail about my fictional scene but often a backstory too. Even when I write something very short like Balance of Light you can be sure that there is much more to the story that the words I have left for you to read and for me there is little difference between a story and a fantasy. A fantasy is a story that I just haven’t written down (yet).
All of these little vignettes play out it our heads everyday, inspired by the many things we see/hear/read in the world around us. It is important to acknowledge this, accept this, and share those thoughts with those that are taking this journey with us, because we gain a greater understanding of how we can relate our sexual desires and satisfy our appetites when we know just what those appetites are.
And who knows, you might even find a kink that neither of you knew you had.
P.S. (These are becoming a habit) Your partner fantasizes about other people, just like you do, it doesn’t mean they don’t want you, it just means that, in the moment, that gets them hot. Please don’t sweat it, even as much of a jealous fool as I am, I know that they are just a way of safely enjoying something forbidden. For some people (I’m looking at you Molly) they get off on the idea that you are thinking about fucking someone else and that is just part of the difference that makes life exciting.