I feel submissive when… I could write a hundred different endings to that sentences. There are the obvious ones such as when he has me pinned down on a spanking bench at a play event and is soundly beating my bottom until I am a whimpering, bruised, mess or when he pushes me down on the bed before we have a shower and forces his cock into my mouth, or when he pushes me down on the rug in the front room and fucks me hard while whispering filthy words into my ear but what about the rest of the time?
What of the everyday of our lives? When we are working side by side, or out at the shops, or the kids are around. What makes me feel my submission then? The answer is, it is the little things. If I am in his way in the kitchen when he is making dinner he will tell me to ‘go and sit down please’. To the kids it sounds like a request but to me I know it is anything but that. When we are out at the shops and I bend to get something of a low shelf and he use that opportunity to pinch my bottom (he has the ability to pinch my bum through my clothes that feels like someone just poked me with a pin) and I will jump up startled and then look around embarrassed to see if anyone noticed my odd behaviour because by now he is half way down the aisle. When we are working it is the way I will sometimes catch him looking at me, like he is devouring me, which I am pretty sure is exactly what is going on in his head. In all those moments I feel my submission to him and it makes me happy.
This week I have had my period, it has made me moody grumpy and emotional. One Tuesday before our shower he reached for the Misery Stick. I immediately started to protest. Feeling vulnerable the thought of pain seemed overwhelming and I so I fussed and agitated and was pretty much on the verge of tears before he even bent the thing back but he carried on. Twisting me round and applying one stinging strike to my backside. I wailed so loudly at the sting that he put his hand over my mouth to silence me. It was an over reaction on my part but I needed it. I wanted to shout my annoyance with something that was annoying me (fucking hormones) from the rooftop. Later on that day he remarked that I had seemed unhappy about what had taken place but he is wrong about that. I was grumpy, angry and the misery stick gave me something to actually be pissed off about rather than just feeling annoyed with life. I am glad he did it. It was a little thing but it was exactly what I needed to help me focus my mind, feel my body and know that no matter what he will be exactly what I need him to be, that he will always be my Dom, even when I behaving like I don’t want that.
The big things are wonderful, the floggings, the staples, the fucking. They really do make my kinky, sex loving, heart sings a happy song but it is the little things, the hand on my neck when he grabs me in the laundry room for a kiss, The Look I get when I say something cheeky while we are out with friends (that Look is, if you did not know, is a promise that this will be ‘discussed’ when we get home) that oddly make the difference for me. They are things that transform our D/s relationship from a play based one into a 24/7 dynamic. They are things that bring focus to my day with regards to our D/s, they help to me to feel connected, safe, calm and peaceful. Not everyday is perfect, we are both bombarded by a steady stream of real life stress, as most people are, juggling time, families, work and relationships but it is the small things, the little stabilisers, to the big wheels of our kink relationship, that help me still remember, who and what we are even when life is trying to make it really hard to do so.