I am a big fan of consent, and I think that in many circumstances it can be very hot. But I can also see that there may be times when you can talk the sexy out of a situation.
I know that I am not supposed to say such a thing, we are always going on about not just consent, but ongoing, repeated, enthusiastic consent and that it is always a turn on. Except when it is not.
If I am planning a consensual non-consent scene, and Molly and I go through all the details of exactly what is going to happen and when, I don’t think that she is going to be very turned on if we then act out the scene we have just covered. The whole concept requires an element of surprise that just can’t exist without time for suspense to be built.
So how do we handle this? For me it is imperative that we have the discussion and that I obtain her consent, but that doesn’t mean we are going to play right then and there. I have had plans that have been years in the making that I have talked and whispered into her ear that we haven’t actually done because the timing and the circumstances haven’t been perfect. I am sure that there are some that we might never be able to make work. Sometimes the planets just don’t align.
Confused? Perhaps an example will help. We have long discussed a hunter/hunted scene where I chase her through the woods and catch her. I know she wants to do it. I know I want to do it. We have used it for fantasy fodder while fucking (ooh, nice alliteration Michael) and most importantly we have worked out the consent. But there are many things that might make this fantasy difficult to realize at the very least. It has to be warm or Molly won’t want to end up naked and if she does it will probably mean she will safeword. It needs to be someplace that is free of other people, nothing like chasing a woman through a family picnic to put a damper on kink, and maybe ruin the picnic. This doesn’t mean that we have given up on making this a reality, we just have to seize the moment when it is right and since we have agreed that the party of the first part agrees to be hunted by the party of the second part all of our sexy contract negotiations are covered.
My point in this rather shambolic (a Brit word I have come to enjoy) is that consent is sexy but that for certain types of scenarios as certain amount of distance between negotiations and commencement is required. Otherwise the element of surprise is lost.
It occurs to me that this might be a way to make surprise anal work after all.