Oh, we are such geeks

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5 responses to “Oh, we are such geeks”

1. 

   Rose Bliss

   June 3, 2016

   “… has tech had an impact on your sex life? Has it been a plus or a distraction? Do you believe that porn (and the internet ) has caused addiction or reduced sexual assaults?”

   You have hit on one of my hot buttons as well as my areas of studies. which include human behavior, sexuality and religion.

   To answer your question if tech has an impact on my sex life and if it’s a plus or minus, the answer is a loud YES and it’s definitely a plus. Now, I’m not sure how it was in the 60’s in the rest of the world, or even the rest of the US, but sex education for my community was almost non-existent. When I was 12, they separated the boys from the girls to teach us about sex, which amounted to telling the girls about our periods, which Kotex products to buy and vaguely why we had periods at all. We were told that “when the time comes” you will be able to grow a baby and will stop bleeding once a month.” I have no idea what the boys were told, we were cautioned to not talk about it with them. When asked how the baby got into our wombs, we were handed a drawing of a penis, which was much different than the erect one I saw coming at my face at age 9 when I was molested. There was very little information given to us about the vagina other than it was the “birth canal” and nothing about our vulvas, other than the caution to never touch yourself there, or your breasts, or your bottom, and god forbid you to let someone else touch you there. This was hammered into us from that age forward. So I never did. I believed them. When I was raped I felt tremendous guilt about allowing someone to touch me places I’d be warned about, even though there was nothing I could do to stop it. I felt guilty about having sex the first time with my boyfriend. I felt guilty about having sex after I was married. It was suppose to be dirty and sinful, so I wasn’t suppose to enjoy it, right? I felt so much guilt about touching my own breasts, that I couldn’t prepare my nipples for breastfeeding after my children were born and suffered greatly. There were very few places to learn about sex, other than the doctors office, and they only told you what they wanted you to know. Pretty much like church and sadly, things have only gotten worse in both areas.

   In my 20’s I finally bought the book “The Joy of Sex” (and “The Joy of Gay Sex” for my roommate) and what an eye opener. At that point, I was still, just barely, having very vanilla sex, missionary position only, no masturbation, no oral sex, forget anal!! This continued for most of my life.

   About 3 years ago, after I was sure my sex life had come to an end, my sex drive came roaring back and I headed to the Internet to learn why. During my research I discovered BDSM as well as the truth for all those no-no’s I had been warned about my whole life. Imagine my surprise and anger to learn how much had been lies.

   I started reading erotica and watching porn and joining sex sites. I have to say, while porn has improved from 30 years ago, it still has a way to go. For most people, they recognize it’s fantasy and not reality. But there are still way too many younger people who get their sex education from porn and are getting a very twisted idea about what real sex with a real human being is suppose to be like. But for me personally, porn has helped me to see that my body is not only good enough, but beautiful to many people. Before this, I had never seen my own vulva. Fear and guilt still preventing me the freedom to do so, until finally I got pissed and said enough!! I got a mirror and my camera and took some pictures. At first I thought I had the ugliest pussy on this planet. And then I read something on Tumblr that kind of opened my eyes… that pussies come in all shapes, sizes and colors and there isn’t just one that is perfect, they all are perfect. I suddenly saw myself in a whole new light. I had the same revelation about my breasts. And I now seeing that about the size and shape of my whole body. Would I have learned this without the help of the Internet? Unlikely. Libraries are wonderful, but they are still pretty limited. The Internet allows you to not only research and learn about the things you wonder about, but also connect with others on the same journey.

   As far as addiction to porn and the Internet? As a recovering addict to pain meds, I can say without any doubt, addiction evolves from multiple sources. Some people will be able to watch porn and spend time on the Internet and turn it off and be just fine. Some people will develop an addiction or dependency to one or the other or both. But the reasons are complex. Chances are if there was no porn, someone with an addictive personality will become addicted to something else.

   As far as reducing sexual assaults? Only two things will do that.. education and attitudes, and it’s going to take generations for that to change, if people are motivated to do so. But I am seeing progress. I carried my secret of the rapes and molestation for 50 years. Now people are talking about it when it happens to them, and fighting back. But it’s going to be an uphill battle. When I see my 17 year old granddaughter slut shaming other girls and blaming girls for being raped or becoming pregnant, I can see how far we have to go before people will start to take responsibility for their own actions, and to stop using guilt to control the actions of others. We need better sex education for starters.. with not only the mechanics of sex and all of the wonderful things that sex can deliver.. without the guilt, fear and shame. But we also need to teach about relationships.. starting with consent (something the BDSM community does pretty well), communication, respect, and responsibility. Until that happens, sexual assaults will continue.

   Reply
2. 

   Marie Rebelle

   June 3, 2016

   Like you and Molly, Master T and I wouldn’t have been together if it wasn’t for technology. We ‘met’ each other before we actually MET each other. We too communicate using phones or computers while in the same room, without the kids being aware of it. The Doxy is my favorite ‘tech toy’ and I use the Womanizer Pro quite a lot too, but other than that I prefer ‘non-tech’ toys. Oh and… Master T has been researching fucking machines and Sybians for the past couple if months. Coming to think of it, we are quite the same as couples, yet so different, right?

   Tech definitely had a positive influence on my life. Not only because I met Master T like that, but all these wonderful people in the sex blogging community too, like you guys. Without tech, that never would have happened.

   Rebel xox

   Reply
3. 

   Innocent Loverboy

   June 5, 2016

   Without technology I doubt if I would have ever actually had sex by now. My fear of failure coupled with a generally non-threatening attitude always resulted in having a large amount of female friends (most of my friends have always been girls…) but nothing really approaching love, sex or even cheeky snogs.

   With the coming of the internet, and the ability to be more open and verbose when you have time to think about what you’re saying while type, there came two chances: one, to be more like myself; two, to talk to people other than the entirety of the school I went to (and the youth group I attended) – as opposed to the half of the girls that I was friends with and the other half that I wrote poetry about and cried over at night.

   I’ve had sex with eight people – including four girlfriends. Every single one of those has been someone I’ve met over the internet, and that’s without counting those who I’ve flirted with, made squirm in their seat or with the need to relieve themselves as a result of something I’ve said. Most of this (with the exception of girlfriend #1) has happened after I started writing under the “ILB” moniker, which in turn was only inspired by technology: a character in a film I heard about from an internet friend, and the description thereof via a meme.

   So, in answer to your question… what impact has technology had on my sex life? A total one.

   Reply
4. 

   sub-Bee

   June 6, 2016

   As someone else who used tech to meet my partner it’s definitely had a big influence on me.

   I will say I have a bit of an issue with VR sex, if we’re talking head sets. They make me incredibly queasy so not sexy at all and also a problem when I’m using them for work too!!

   Reply
5. 

   Velvet Rose

   June 16, 2016

   Technology- I fucking love it! I always have. M and I met through it but it was in my life long before that. I build websites as a hobby and have just recently earned a bit of money through it as well.

   As for techy toys, I need a huge amount of clit stimulation to get off so toys are necessary for me to have earth shattering orgasms (and let me tell you they are!).

   Bring in the tech ?!

   Velvet x

   Reply

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