Once upon a time I did not consider myself dominant, and Molly did not consider herself submissive. In the scheme of things it wasn’t all that long ago. We both discovered D/s later in life (much later for me than for Molly) so we are learning together what it means to us.
I do know that it has changed us. We have a relationship that is very different to our previous long term partners. That doesn’t mean that Molly hadn’t already had some exposure to this, she is actually more experienced than I am. I am a newbie by comparison.
The fact that we live this life all day everyday is what I think makes it have a bigger impact on us. There are no D/s vacations, yes it will ebb and flow based on what we are doing but at the end of the day it is the undercurrent of lives. The base from which all of the other things we do is based on. I know it has made me look at how we interact in a very different way. When she needs a reminder that she might be pushing the envelope all it takes is a look, or a touch to remind her. Or if she is really feeling a bit feisty a little smack on the bottom usually sets things straight.
I know that it has made her a much more relaxed person. When she got anxious when I first moved in I could always tell. How? She would start stress cleaning and nothing else could be done until the house was set to rights. Thankfully now that seems to have fallen away and she has learned that everything will be okay and that I am here to help and guide her. That isn’t to say that all has been dealt with, after all I don’t call her my crazylady for nothing.
For myself I find that I can spend a huge amount of time working as a partner with my partner and oddly I love it. I never think, “damn, wish I was heading off to work to get away from her.” I love spending my day with her just a few inches away from me. It does feel natural for me to make the final call on things. She will have an opinion or suggestion and confirm it with me. That feels right to the both of us, not that she wont argue her case if she feels strongly, she does and I want her too. But in the end what we have negotiated is that the call is mine.
And that is an undercurrent that pulls us where we want to be.