BDSM is not safe. Nothing will make it safe. When you play with pain, and impact and fire and rope there are a million things that can, and will go wrong. Just like all the other activities we do that all carry a certain amount of danger, it is not paying attention that can kill you. You pay attention when you cross the street right? The only thing you can do is minimize that risk.
There are many tools that you can use to keep your play fun and not have it turn into a hard to explain medical emergency. We take the obvious precautions to go along with the type of play we are doing. Safety scissors for rope play. Disinfectant wipes and bandages for play that pierces the skin. Even a wet towel if fire is being used.
Since most of our play revolves around impact the tool that we use most often is communication. Now sometimes that communication is her saying “Fuck that hurts” and sometimes it is only conveyed by body language. That means I have to be paying attention to see those subtle signs.
Molly and I have a safeword. I know that there are those who preach that safewords don’t keep you safe. And they are right. Nothing keeps you safe. Seat belts don’t prevent an accident but they just might help you survive it. I feel the same about safewords and I won’t play with anyone that won’t use one with me, even if it is just “Red”. This is not to cast aspersions on those who don’t, these are simply my rules.
I want to reiterate that nothing I have said will guarantee you safety, these are just thing I try to think about ahead of time to keep the risk of anything bad happening as low as possible. I love Molly and while I enjoy hurting her and she enjoys being hurt.
No one wants her harmed.
4 thoughts on “Break Glass in Case of Emergency”
I’m glad to see this here, mainly because I am somewhat conflicted on safewords.
I hate that it becomes some kind of kink dick measuring contest between those who very loudly say they don’t play with safewords, and look at how badass I am because of this, and how lowly those are who chicken out by using them.
Bullshit. Very dangerous POV to put forward. I despise that attitude, and feel it stops both newbs and kink vets alike to doubt themselves, and maybe put themselves and their partners in danger because of it.
However, there are those who play to varying degrees along the CNC spectrum. For those, the safeword, the negotiating, happens prior to play, and/or in the context of a long term relationship. At that point, the safeword is discarded. Sir and I sometimes visit this realm, and aside from a medical emergency, my ‘red’ is taken off the table. I rarely write about this, though, because I don’t think it’s wise for people to read and leave thinking that that’s how it should be. Oddly, I don’t think CNC should be ‘promoted’, I think it’s something that, if one takes that journey, it should be something which evolves, not sen as a target to reach. Does that make sense?
I’m waffling, lots, now, so I’m going to go away and have a little think on this subject some more 🙂
Fuck sake….’causes’ not stops newbs etc etc
*chastises self for not checking before sending*
BDSM is like most things in life, including driving, cooking, flying an airplane… if you go into it without knowing what you are doing, and with little thought to it, it can cause all kinds of problems. Education, communication and preparation are needed to ensure it is as safe as it can be while still recognizing the risks. But even just sex has some ricks.. pregnancy, STD’s, miscommunication.
I also wonder about people who claim they never use a safeword and have no limits. I wonder what fantasy world they live in.
My only reservation about safewords is the danger of being overly reliant on them. My girl usually goes non-verbal when we play, so it’s then down to my ability to read her to know when she’s in trouble.
But yeah, the whole ‘I never use safewords’ thing, I’d file under ‘macho bullshit’.
Anyway, even though we’re pretty far down the path of CNC, and I can only recall one occasion where she has actually safeworded (it was a ‘yellow’ not a ‘red’ during the start of a scene because I set a clamp up too tight…. oopsy) , it’s fun to have one in the background. It means I can stick a gag in her mouth once I have her tied and blindfolded, then ‘forget’ to give her the set of keys she has to drop as a silent alarm, and whisper ‘no safeword for you today, slut’ in her ear from behind.
I’ll take panicked wriggling over macho bullshit any day of the week, thanks.