We were out most of yesterday in London and had a lovely dinner with a lovely friend where many topics were discussed ranging far and wide as they do when the people you are hanging with are this brilliant (I claim no brilliance myself, merely the intelligence to spend my time with smart people). One of those topics was Power vs Authority.
Where we ended up on the subject was that Power is taken by force and Authority is given by consent. But I have much more thinking to do about that and so it will end up as another post at a later date. But it did spark a discussion about authority as Molly and I wandered along the streets of Camden.
She was concerned that by disagreeing with me or arguing she would erode my authority and “break us” I have spent the day thinking about that. Now we don’t have a domestic discipline or M/s relationship. I have a equal partner who as agreed to cede control in certain parts of our life to me. That does not mean that every single decision is mine. There are many areas in our life together where she decides things on her own with no input from me until after the fact. There are areas where we discuss our viewpoints and come to a decision together. And there are decision which are mine alone.
But perhaps some of those lines have become a bit burred. If she is worrying that she can do or same something that will disrupt the core of our D/s then maybe I have not been doing my Dom job well enough. Certainly if she decided that she just didn’t want to do D/s anymore that would require a complete reworking of what we need from each other. But I don’t see that as a concern. It is just rooted in who we are as people for that kind of shift to take place.
I want her to express her opinion and I expect her to be angry with me. She, I am sure, would expect the same from me. I of course would expect her to approach these things in a respectful manner, and I know that I would do the same. But arguments can get heated and sometimes maintaining that kind of control can be difficult but even over something where are differences are that extreme I would like to think that we are strong enough as a couple to get past that.
So here is how I think I shall exercise the authority that has been granted me. I shall expect her to express herself more clearly and openly without fear of breaking things. To express both her frustrations and desires from a place of safety. Because suppression of those things will only lead to unhappiness, stress and a breakdown in communication.
And if that gets too hard in the heat of the moment either one of us can safeword.
That is why we have one and what use is it if we don’t use it whenever it needs to be used.