A picture of my bits shaved

Dom without a D or an s for that matter

It has been a while since I have written something and to be honest I am not looking forward to writing this. You may know some things, like that I have been very ill, and that Molly and I have taken a break from D/s. Well here is something else that I am going to share.

I have Erectile Dysfunction, a fancy way of saying that my dick doesn’t work.

Now I know what you are going to say, being a Dom, or a man for that matter doesn’t depend on having a working penis. After all, not all sex is PIV. There are lots of other things that you can do. And that is all true, except it isn’t quite the truth.

A note here, when I say truth I am talking about what is true for me and not what is true for everyone.  The truth for me is that Molly loves cock, not all cock, but cock as a concept and some cock in particular. That means that my inability to have PIV is a big deal to her and I suspect to kitten as well. The truth for me is that that I feel less of a man not being able to fuck. It is a vicious circle to be honest. I am not Molly’s Dom, so I feel like less of a man, I can’t fuck her so I feel like less of a man, Molly is starting to explore with other people so I feel like less of a man. I am physically weaker after my illness so I feel like less of a man None of this helps with the pressure to perform in sexual situations.

Confidence in your penis and in yourself is one of the crucial elements to having a hard dick so in addition to the purely physical problems my brain is hugely in the way  (please don’t offer solutions to this, I am fully aware of the situation and the remedies available) and every other thing just stacks up until I get to the point where I avoid sexual things because the chance of failure is to high and failing will only lead to me feeling worse about the whole fucking mess.

What I would like to say now is that I have come to a place of acceptance about all of this and offer words of encouragement to other people who might be in a similar situation (but I find it unlikely that many other people have fucked everything up quite so thoroughly.) and offer thoughtful insights into how you too can recover from this. But that would be a big fat lie.

I do know that there is no other option going forward but to make the best of the cards I currently hold. I am working at getting stronger. I am trying to rebuild our D/s. I am trying to find a place where I can accept her choice to explore with others and hope that she can find happiness there. I am also trying to do restorative dick work. Trying to clear my head of those things that get in the way so that my body can do its best and failing that figure out how to accept that if I can’t fix my dick, well, that is ok too.

I know that there are some people out that that will take great joy in this post and will feel that this is just desserts for me. I fully expect that our dear friend Wayne will let me know all about how this is just what I deserve and I won’t pretend that it makes it any easier to say, but I have always tried to be honest in all things good or bad and I won’t change that now.

 

Michael

 

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14 thoughts on “Dom without a D or an s for that matter

  1. Your honesty and strength in facing this is the clearest sign that you’re very much more of a man than most others out there. Clearing your head isn’t easy, I know (I really do), but it’s good to see you writing it all out and I hope that it helps. As ever, my best wishes.

  2. Sorry to hear you’re going through such a rough time. I hope you continue to get better following your illness and I hope other things improve for you too ❤

  3. That’s heartbreaking to hear. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’re one of the strongest people I know, so I’m sure you’ll find some way through… but it may take time.

    I’m sure nobody’s going to judge you for this (Wayne notwithstanding).

  4. I, for one, take no joy in this.

    I also have ED, caused primarily by circulation problems due to T2 diabetes. It took me years to do anything about it. It started off with inability to maintain an erection through penetrative sex. It then got to not getting stiff enough for PIV or PIA. The sorry of whether I would be able to ‘perform’ did not help this. I suspect, had I done nothing about it, it would have progressed to not being able to get one at all. I have found what works for me, I hope you can find what works for you – whatever that is.

  5. Bodies and brains – and their interactions…
    Another B – Brave – and you are – for writing this. Brave is strong – so that is good.
    Wishing you well…

  6. Huge respect for you in writing this. I can only imagine what you are going through. Having battled depression for so long, I know only to well how the mind can play havoc with our perceptions of ourselves, and the detriment it can have on our physical selves.
    You have a lot of love and respect in this community, and you being able to be so open and brutally frank about these issues will only increase that.
    Keep strong.
    KW

  7. Wishing you strength and wisdom, Michael, but also a huge improvement in your health, as I have seen what it can do when health is bad for a long time. My respect to you for writing this.

    Rebel xox

  8. Hugs to you and Molly. You have a large supportive community here. I hope you can let some of that collective strength and support and love flow thru you when you need it.

  9. Thank you Michael for sharing this little problem of yours. Hugs to Molly.
    An ex partner had a similar problem, every time he tried to perform and
    have sex with me. And if his body got too hot, he just could not perform
    at all and yes he also felt less of a man. I do realize that it is very hard to
    a man ego when they can’t perform sex with their partner and they feel that
    they’ve let them down. It is a medical condition and just get your health
    stronger and better. I do hope it all works out for you two. Hugs.

  10. No words will restore your confidence or help you medical condition, but know there are those of us who have come to admire the honesty and education you and Molly have given us over time. As a sub struggling to achieve a D/s relationship with my spouse of many years, I learned a lot from reading both of your posts. Best wishes, hugs, support, a shoulder to cry on….. offered to you.

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