So, I am sure you have all read the changes going on in my life. The biggest one is that Molly has fallen in love with someone else. She is off to Miami to spend some time with her new love, as she should as she is starting a new relationship.
And as people have already commented on her most recent post Bitter Sweet Symphony “it’s only fair” because I have Cara. And that is true, well, except for the fact that I have jealousy issues but still they are right it is not fair. But I can’t help how I feel and how I feel is hurt and sad. Profoundly sad, taking anti depressant and trying to do therapy sad. I wish I was the person that could just let her go and do that and just smile. I am, sadly, not that person.
None of this is Molly’s fault at all. This isn’t a new issue or a surprise to me, but I spent a long time being deliberately obtuse. Putting my head in the proverbial sand and hoping that it all would just go away. Silly old man, we all know that never works.
So here we are. Between a rock and a heartache. I know that there are only two options. See if I can bear the pain for the rest of my life, or end our relationship. This is not a choice I even want to make. Now before you flood my comments or Twitter timeline with advice and links to how I can get over my jealousy issues, I have heard and read and researched this for years. I am not looking for your sympathy, not that I deserve any. So send your messages of support to Molly.
Much like her blog is where Molly gets to talk about how she feels and her relationships, this space is mine to do the same. Now I know that no one is going to finish reading this post and think, Ahh I see and understand how Michael feels, because mostly people don’t understand how I feel, to the point where someone asked my why my jealousy didn’t turn me on. I get it, I know that I am the one here with a problem.
I could whine on and on about how I feel but really there isn’t much point. As I have told Molly repeatedly that even if she told me that she would give up relationships with other people it wouldn’t make a difference, she would only come to resent me over time (and she has waited long enough for what she wants) and so I hope she has a wonderful time on her trip, truly I do.
The thing is that I don’t know if I can be the man she needs me to be. And if I can’t and it just makes me sad and unhappy then there is only one course of action. I haven’t made any decision yet, but while I want my love to be happy, I deserve to be happy too but maybe I am not in the right place for that to happen.