Men like to be surprised, and if you have a High Value man you’d better do all the things that keep him happy and satisfied. (Note: none if this applies if you are old, like 28 or something, because you are doing things the old way and not like the kids today do things) I have heard that back in the olden days, like way back before the new millennium, you were supposed to talk to your Bae about the things they might want to do in bed (At least that is what I have read from all those crappy sex bloggers who write such stuff) but how do you keep that element of surprise? You might as well be back in school looking at your exam schedule.
I have something much more on fleek. After you and your man have finished getting buff at the gym, have taken your maca and are out on the town replacing as much of your blood with alcohol as possible. It is time to stagger back to your flat and unleash your awesome surprise. Because what man (unless you have already replaced him with a vibrator, who needs a man when you have one of those beauties?) wouldn’t be up for a bit of surprise anal!
It’s what the guys love to get up to behind closed doors – a bit of Friday night kink, bondage, debauchery now and again. It may not be for everyone but I bet a fair few men have tried and tested the back door pleasure portal. Apparently it is becoming as popular as pussy. These days we say “anal is the new oral”.
But how to broach this tricky subject? Approaching this topic can lead to difficult conversations (all that boring communication, eww)that will remove any spontaneity from what should be a thrilling new adventure, you have to talk about lube and positions and consent and before you know it nobody wants to anything but watch Eurovision and have a kebab. The best thing to do is to find your moment when everyone is so pissed that there is little possibility that even if something were to go awry chances are that come morning all will be lost in a blur of an epic hangover.
If you’re fantasizing about anal, then how about just turning those fantasies into reality, make him feel like the sexiest man alive – undress him slowly, kiss him, tell him quietly you are going to penetrate him from behind then rub your strapon over his anus first just to tease, so he can prepare himself in anticipation, then slowly push the tip inside him (Remember that men have been told this is wrong so you might encounter some resistance, so keep in mind no means, maybe!).
In the early stages you may not be able to go as deep as you like without lubrication, but once he’s acclimatized he’ll arch his back and let you go deeper into him. Feel the strapon rub against your clit just they way you like as the excitement builds for you. Reach around to feel him getting harder the deeper you go as he learns to accept what is happening, adjust your speed accordingly, playing with him so that you climax at the same time.
Now isn’t that better than a pre-arranged dinner surprise? Anal has certainly featured in the best sex I’ve ever had and it’s always been a surprise. Well, a surprise to him at least.
5 thoughts on “How does it look from this perspective?”
Great post. That particular article was horrific and dangerous on several levels. I was astounded that it had been published.
As was I, that article and another site (and a idea supplied by Honey) inspired this bit of parody to showcase the ridiculousness of this all
I am chuckling here. Bravo, Mr Knight!
I have you to thank for the inspiration. So.. thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou
Oh this is absolutely su-fucking-perb! Well done you 😀