I am a bit older than Molly. She seems to to take great delight when I talk about the year that I graduated High School in telling me that she was six. Or that the year that I lost my virginity she was two. Something about the fact that I am older seems to work for her and in our discussions about her past relationships a theme of sorts has emerged. It turns out that out of her last five partners ,three have been at least twelve years older and one by a much greater margin(over twenty plus).
We chatted about this while having a walk around our neighborhood (since it was a rare non-rainy day) and had a pint at the pub, my pint was Diet Coke before you go getting all excited, and talked more about what it was that attracted her to men of a certain age. It seems that while some of it has to to with the body type of older gents (the waifishness of young men is right out, while nubile young women are right in) mostly it seemed to be the maturity factor that was most important, the old fashioned manners of older men, their worldly attitude, views and knowledge. To quote her directly.
“I like that you know more than I do, I couldn’t be sub to someone who lacked knowledge and experience, I need to know that you have some wisdom.”
I am very glad she feels that I fit the bill.
Now don’t think that it is just the brains that world for her. I happen to know that Molly likes the looks of older men too. Her top five celebrity older men are:
- James Spader
- Sean Connery
- Billy Joel
- Alan Rickman
- Robert Downey Jr.*
*Who just squeaks in on age since he is only Fifty.
Again in her words,
“It’s that rugged, weathered look that does it for me *growl*”
I guess that means that it looks like I’ve been rode hard and put away wet.
So on to my feelings on the matter. I’m going to start with the fact that I really don’t like the expression “Silver Fox” I don’t feel that captures anything that feels like, well, me. I have never ever thought of myself as a fox, rugged and weathered seems to be a much better fit. There are a few other terms that I find problematic. Dilf, that makes me sound like a Swedish sex toy. Gilf, that makes me imagine that someone is offering some sort of smelly preserved fish. Calling me either of those is going to get you banned from touching my happy place.
How do I feel about the twelve year age gap between myself and Molly, well, to be perfectly honest… I like it. I like leading and teaching (I really like teaching) and not just kinky things, I love teaching Molly about tech and science and the books and movies that I love. It also adds a certain spice when she is feeling “little” but that, as I too often say, is a post of its own.
Prior to writing this post I did a little twitter research on the age gap to see how many of our followers like an age difference (or maybe even required one) and I got many fantastic responses (thank you for indulging me) and I was greatly pleased to see that many had relationships that were varying from five to twenty plus years in age difference and while some were firmly in the age difference camp, most said that it was more down to the person than it was to the age gap.
I like it when people judge people by who they are, rather than on some arbitrary number.
So just like always, people like what they like for whatever reasons they like them, for myself I am really glad that one of the things that Molly likes about me is that I belong to the group of men of a certain age.
11 thoughts on “Men of a Certain Age”
The subject of age in relationships is such a loaded one for me. I know my preferences. I know it is a kind of prejudice that I attribute those preferences to age. But I do; a softening of judgement, more tolerance, actual experience which has tested well meant life philosophies. Until we have lost loved ones in tragic circumstances, nursed our parents, until we have learned that we are capable of failing, and falling a million ways, until we have experienced the exhaustion of the responsibility of raising children, then fine words don’t really prove anything about a character. Life shows us who we are. And to relate, I need a person who has lived a life. Not only older than me, but tested, and humble for it. In fact in the other side of the slash, for me, I think humility is the primary trait above all others. Not a popular view, but deeply held. FWIW.
I do so enjoy you two pondering here as you do. Thought provoking stuff.
Whatever the reason for it working for us, I am so glad that it does, and I am glad it inspires others to think on the topics as well.
For me it is about the person not the age. I never expected to fall for my Sir. I’m 23 and he’s 43. We have been together nearly 2 years 🙂
Absolutely the person matters more than the number, but I think that Molly enjoys the number too 😉
I have a new term for it. You are an Indiana Jones type … “it’s not the age, it’s the mileage”. Needs more work. Lol
Well I do have a lot of miles under my belt (so to speak) but I have many more to travel 😉
If it makes you feel better, comforted, justified, or maybe nothing at all, I do what Molly does to you to John Brownstone when he mentions how old he was when he did something…”Ohhh, I wasn’t even born yet;” “I was just 4, 10, 16, whatever.” There’s an 18 year age difference between us, so it happens all the time.
I have always preferred older men, and it does come down to the maturity factor. When I was younger, “older” still put them firmly in the category of “immature” but after my divorce at age 32, nearly everyone I dated, fucked, and/or loved was late 40s to early 50s. The one time I tried to date someone my own age, it ended in disaster, confirming my bias towards men 10+ years older than myself. 🙂
As a submissive, I can say that I think my desire does come, in part, from that leading/teaching aspect, too. But even older men can be assholes, so I’m sure there are other traits *some* older men, especially Dominants, share that draws us to older men. 🙂
Oh yes indeed, age does not always mean maturity (I think I am a prime example) but what I lack in maturity I make up for with other skills 😉
For me also, I love the fact that Master has so much more knowledge than I do. He is better read than I will ever be, he is opinionated and he knows what I need (irritatingly enough). But he is only 2 years older. If you had asked me about my ideal man 5 years ago, I would have said he would be at least 7-10 years older. But I have discovered that compatibility is not about age, but about something deeper. Mind you, given his knowledge he may as well be 10 years older. However, his daily skin routine means that he looks younger than me!
There certainly can be a mental age vs a physical age. Sounds like you have found someone wise beyond their years!
For me age differences make no difference whatsoever.
I had the privilege of growing up in an enviroment where my father was 30+ years older than my mother. I was an aunty at 2 and a great aunty in my 20’s to my father’s family from his first marriage.
It comes down to the people, if it works it works period. My childhood was happy and loving with two parents who adored each other.
Ok the flipside is my dad is no longer with us (19 years gone this year) and I miss him every day but he left a legacy that lives within me that I will be forever grateful for.