I watch (yes I even watch you) people. I watch people in the world and on social media and a lot of you on your (sorry I am so terrible at commenting) blog posts. You are all simply fascinating and I like this new version of openness I see in how people are willing to share of themselves with perfect strangers.
What I observe however is that a fair number of you (not all of you) aren’t very happy. This is not gender specific. I see unhappy Men, I see unhappy Women, I see unhappy Others/Not Applicable. I see people in relationships who are unhappy, I see singles unhappy, I see Poly/Open/StopTryingToDefineMes unhappy. I see that most of us are unhappy in one way or another.
Sometimes it is about money, or work or kids, but mostly what it really seems to end up being about is
sex and relationships
It is interesting for me to see people attempt to fulfill their desires in non-traditional ways. Open marriages, Poly and other alternate relationships. There is one that I see a growing trend for that doesn’t seem to be talked about very much at all. That is staying single. I don’t mean that they don’t have sex, they do, and a lot it seems. What I mean is they don’t want any sort of permanent emotional relationship. I know a growing number of people who are giving this a try. I do know some that this seems to be working out for, a good friend has several men that each fill a specific need in her life and that seems to work for her, but it was not an easy journey to get to that place.
But most of the people I know that are using this approach claim they don’t want a relationship at all. Just casual sex and they will do quite fine without anything else. But in watching and observing I am not sure that is true. I think that people need other people and for more than just a good fuck and that over time they find themselves unsatisfied with the lives that they have.
Maybe I am wrong and this will be the new normal, that connections with partners will be more tenuous and situational. That happiness can be found in a variety of ways and I am just a dinosaur (I am really fucking old after all) and not current with what the kids are doing these days.
But I do know that I see a lot of unhappy, and I don’t like seeing that in the world.
In the meantime, I will keep watching and thinking.
10 thoughts on “Watching You”
I was very happy in my marriage, and incredibly unhappy now that it’s over, so for me, there is truth in what you’re saying.
I am sorry that things have not gone the way you wanted 🙁
I wrote a little something https://cherrytartblog.wordpress.com/2016/04/30/on-happiness/
I went and read and left a comment of my own 😉
I’m also an observer and it is very interesting is it not to watch others.
What you say is so very true!
I am a observer, I have to say that I learnt at a very young age to observe people and make some sense of the world around me. Although doing it on line has proved more difficult and a bit of a challenge. But you are never to old to learn new tricks 🙂
I am also one of those who have more than one man in my life. Although this was not planed, it did all just seem to fall into place and works well for me and hopefully for the men involved. The older I have gotten the less I seem to worry about social pressures to conform to the norm (whatever that is these days) .
As you say I don’t think it is an easy path anyone takes to find a sense of peace and happiness. However a realization of ‘it is what it is’ helps you to enjoy and celebrate what you do have in the here and now.
I think you are right about this and I am sad that this post wasn’t longer with you expanding on your thoughts more. I really believe that people need connections with other people but getting the right connections can be so tricky. There is so much conditioning, pressure and expectation as to what those connections will look like that it is hard for people to find the space and confidence to find their own way. I hope that over time, this gets better and I know that open communication will help.
I’m one of those people that need a connection, being alone whilst fun in the short term, isn’t a good place for me to be. The one thing I wish I could do was break down those stupid rules society places on us and realise more than one connection is also ok.
I think you’re right, but I also think the social realities right now make it harder for some of us to find partners than others (disability, where we live etc.) For me, for example, unhappy though I am, I have to believe I’ll be ok on my own (and without sex) or I wouldn’t be able to find the strength to get up in the morning.