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Not the Right Kind of Fear

I was asked today

“What is it like to have women be afraid of you? I know that I am sort of asking what is is like to be a man”

Now the context of this question is not mine to tell, but suffice it to say that it was a well deserved question based on the actions of others. But sadly I do know what she is talking about. I have had women cross the street to walk on the other side because I have been walking near them. Or speed up because I have been walking behind them.

I completely understand why they do it, women are hugely at risk when alone out in the world and frankly it is always men that are the reason that they aren’t safe. I am utterly sure that if I was the vulnerable one placed in those situations I would do exactly the same. But I can only imagine, because I have never been in a situation where my safety or life has been threatened. Sure it doesn’t only happen to women but it is far more likely to happen to them than me.

The part that gets me is that so often I hear women making excuses for their fear.

“I’m sure I was overreacting”

“I was judging him”

“He didn’t really do anything, I just had a feeling”

What I want to say is that most men are like me because we tend to think people are just like us and I would never harm or threaten a woman and cause her to feel fear (unless of course that was part of a planned scene) but I have learned that people are not like me, that they can be vicious and cruel and horrible.

So while it doesn’t make me feel good that women are frightened of me because I am male. I would always rather they felt safe than have even a tiny bit of worry about how it might make me feel. From what I have seen the way the predators work is that they use that to their advantage. They convince you to make the little choices that by themselves don’t seem that bad, but in aggregate lead to a destination that no women should ever find herself in. Trust what you feel, it doesn’t matter that it might discomfit me, or that you hurt someones feelings. Your life is worth far more than my ego.

Me, I will try to do my part to stay aware of those that prey on others and call out people I see taking those steps that cause such horrific harm and teach anyone that I can to do the same, because I want to live in a world where the only people who fear me are the people who have consented to it in the name of kink.

Here Endth the Sermon


3 thoughts on “Not the Right Kind of Fear

  1. I wish every man could read this. While most men are like you, and like my Dom, Dark Horizon, I’ve had enough experience with those men who truly seem to hate women and feel they literally only have one use, to vent their anger and rage. One of those is now in prison for 1st degree murder although he did get away with raping me and four other girls and later three other women, as well as three male inmates in prison. He groomed me when I was 14 and beat and raped me for 2 months. Another man groomed my mother so he could molest me and my sister when we were just 2 and 3. Yes, women have a reason to be nervous. It doesn’t take a crowd of men to do this.. it just takes one or two.

  2. I have a couple of male friends who always surprise me how aware they are of how women might feel. One of them will go to almost ridiculous lengths to make sure that he doesn’t catch up on a woman while walking at night – you know the kind of time when you suddenly become aware of someone following you. It makes me sad that he has to do that, that he is so aware of the fear that can be there that he has to consciously change how he walks around. On the other hand, I am very glad that people like him are aware of it.

    Fear in play is a very different thing and both @djfet and then a comment from @remmittancegirl made me understand a hell of a lot more about why I get off on that.

  3. I discussed this briefly in my F4TF post about being a man for a day.

    Women, hell, all people, should definitely listen to that little voice whispering that something feels off… It’s your primal brain keeping you safe. I have experienced the feeling of extreme vulnerability around certain men and it is massively uncomfortable,and downright scary.

    You though Michael, I would never be afraid of! You are a good decent guy… A teddy bear!

    Watch this…

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