13 lessons

13 lessons I have learned

1. Never salute him, even if you think it is behind his back, the magic of mirrors can betray you.
2. Never EVER spank his butt as he goes up the stairs in front of you.
3. Never say ‘Come on then, if you think your tough enough’.
4. Only ever reply with ‘Make me’ if you actually want him to make you!
5. When he says, do not tidy up my clutter space while I am away, he really fucking means it and the excuse, I cleaned because I was missing you, will not get you out of a stinging punishment.
6. Never wave the wooden spoon at him unless you actually want to feel its unforgiving whack on your bottom
7. He is the master of the distraction game but all attempts to distract him will end in utter failure
8. He never forgets a misdemeanour, he might appear to forget but it is just a ruse and will always ‘remember’ at the exact moment (usually when you are over his knee).
9. Running away can be fun but it is a risky game. Be sure you want the consequences of being caught before you set off.                9.1   He is surprisingly fast.
10. Never ever, ever reply to something he says with; Whatever!
11. When he says, you sure you want to play it that way, take the hint and consider your actions carefully.
12. There are very few rules but breaking the few that there are is a big mistake.
13. Crying, pleading, begging, saying fuck off, fuck you, you bastard, I hate you, I love you, are not safewords, in fact experience has taught me, they are quite the opposite.