Door Handle for Exclude

Exclusive starts with Exclude

We are a culture obsessed with youth and beauty and while I was once young, I was never beautiful and that gave me pause when I thought about writing this. Am I angry because by the fact of my age and looks I am excluded from this group? After much discussion with Molly and others on this possible bias, I have decided that is not the case.I have thought a lot about this post, I have asked people on twitter their opinions and even had some exchanges with the folks directly involved. All of this has left me feeling at best unsettled and at worst fairly outraged.

So to identify the culprits. There are two that have caused me to move passed the tipping point to do actual writing on the topic.
Before I begin I would like to state very clearly that private clubs and events have every right to invite or exclude whoever they like for whatever reason they like.
But I reserve the right to find it offensive
Killing Kittens
Club Hermione

Now generally I hate linking to sites that I don’t endorse, sadly Do Not Link is down and has been that way for several weeks and doesn’t crawl Club Hermione very well. You may feel free to browse these site if you feel you must. I will attempt to highlight my problems with these sites and their ethos.

The most excellent Girl on the Net has written a post on this topic already which you should most definitely read first. It’s OK, I will wait patiently as you get lost in her site and completely forget why you were even reading this blog.
Sex party planners: don’t tell me what I find sexy

Ahh, wonderful, some of you came back. I shall continue.

Exclusive and Elite

Club Hermione says

Join The Most Exclusive, Intimate & International Sex Parties  •Men are in suits •Women are in dresses and lingerie •Everybody is attractive & classy •Couples & Single girls only. No single men! •Limited to maximum 15 couples and 10 single girls. •Luxury Central London Venues Apply now on the right to become a member & get invited to the most sought after sex party. Alternatively email  with recent pictures.

Killing Kittens goes with

Join The World’s
Sexual Elite

With Killing Kittens, you can explore your innermost fantasies and deepest sexual desires in a safe but sexually-charged environment. Enter the exclusive Killing Kittens community and join the world’s sexual elite.

Enter the Killing Kittens community and join the cream of the world’s sexual aristocracy.

Now who wouldn’t like to be part of that? All of us of course! But that is a problem isn’t it? If we can all be members, why then it wouldn’t be exclusive would it? So some of us riff raff must be kept out and what would be the first criteria?  Let’s have a look shall we?

Killing Kittens makes this a little hard to find and copy so you will have to settle for a screenshot of part of a flyer

Killing Kitten Exclude

Club Hermione is a bit more upfront

As most of our members prefer to mix amongst their own age group we only accept couples and single girls who are 40 years old or younger. You must be 18 or older to apply.

 So we are starting by excluding people by age, because none of us Elite folk want to see your wrinkly old bits… just ewww. Now Killing Kittens must have noticed that they were missing out on the affluence that often comes with age (never a good idea to leave cash on the table) and have a group for what they call “Silver Kittens” for the wrinkly (not too wrinkly mind you) older rich ones.


Surely once we have segregated people by age we can call it quits? After all the Under 35 munches and play parties don’t have any other criteria for their events. Oh, I am sorry, I was mistaken there. You must also be at least “THIS” attractive to ride these exclusive rides.

Club Hermione is aimed at highly attractive professional couples and single girls.

No Single Men
Our parties aim to provide a relaxed fun no pressure atmosphere for couples and single women only.

Please include facial & body colour photos of both partners, ideally together.
Photos must be recent. Guests not resembling their photos you will be turned away.
Real names are not required, however aliases can get complicated, stick with whatever you choose. Please indicate your age.

Once again KK tends to make this kind of thing harder to find but in the History of Killing Kittens link waaaaay down in the footer I get this gem.

The Success Of Killing Kittens

The success of Killing Kittens is fundamentally centred on our stringent membership screening process. We are wholly unapologetic to say that we discriminate based on style, looks, charisma and the unknown ‘X’ factor and the way Killing Kittens stays at the top of the tree is that these criteria are adhered to, always. There is no template for the perfect Killing Kittens member and our vetting process takes in a number of attributes but we are completely confident that every member – whose identities remain secret – has traits that are exciting, titillating and attractive to those with a similar mind set.

 How disappointing, not only must you be of a certain age, but you also need to meet some vaguely defined and arbitrary unknown standard… “attractive to those of a similar mindset” indeed.
Imagine, if you will, how it would feel to apply to these events and send in your picture and then be rejected. How is that going to make you feel about yourself? I personally know someone that this has happened too and I have to wonder exactly what they were missing to be denied membership. They are hot and sexy and desirable, but not model thin… I wonder if the pictures they use all over the site might give a hint of the narrow range of acceptable body type they are looking for?

Gender Mix

I won’t copy and paste anything here since this should be pretty obvious by this point in my extend rant. Both events attempt to stack the deck with a greater ratio of women to men, you will find “No Single Men” repeated over and over and the rational seems to be that these events are to promote and empower female sexuality. I must admit that it seems to me that this really doesn’t do that unless your version of female sexuality is one that caters to the typical male fantasy of multiple women. What about women who might feel empowered by being the center of attention by multiple men?  Women playing with women seems to be considered fully accepted, but nowhere do we see anything about men playing with other men, might male bisexuality be one of those things that they don’t want to see either?

I could write pages and pages more about these event on:

The Dress code (which specifies brands of lingerie and suits)

Their version of “Sex Positive”

and much much more, but I shall not. Go and check them out and do some reading. Draw you own conclusions and then you can read mine.

My Conclusion

This is Aegism at its finest, it ignores any dynamic that is not a mainstream norm. It leaves no room for younger women who prefer older men, younger men who prefer older women or any other mix and it hides that all behind a mask(literally) of female empowerment and appealing to a audience that equates youth and money with sexy

Ever hear the Groucho Marx quote? “I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as a member”. Well I think that might be good advice for these two events. I know that I don’t have to worry because they would never take me as a member and even should they want too I would certainly turn them down flat and I hope you would too. As I said many words ago in this post these places are free to exclude and include who they like. They are private events.

For me I think less of these “Elite” events and the people who run and attend them and I am just as sure they don’t give a flying fuck about my opinion and I end this conclusion with a direct quote.

One of the most positive factors of coming to swinger/sex parties as a couple or single is the drive it gives you to maintain your figure and to take a conceited* effort to bring your sexy back. Ultimately the point of the article is whilst we do cater for a niche, we are not the sexy police and are not here to judge you. Don’t feel intimidated and send us in your applications.

 *That is the exact word used… not what they intended to say, but in the end, what I think they really meant.
 P.S. The following is a twitter exchange that Molly and I had with the folks from Killing Kittens

@DomSigns we are a club for a specific group, there are plenty of set ups catering for those needs. You don’t go to nandos to eat a burger

Really wow, you are like a chain restaurant that sells pretty meh spicy chicken? Oh & Id rather have a burger anyday…

@Mollysdailykiss @DomSigns we also like burgers we are simply saying we cant cater to all preferences

The trouble with that tweet is that they can cater to those preferences, but they choose not too.

9 thoughts on “Exclusive starts with Exclude

  1. An excellent summary of all I despise about this sort of ‘exclusive’ club. Yes, they’re perfectly entitled to their rules, but I’m perfectly entitled to consider those rules preposterously elitist and serving only to attract the sort of preening, narcissistic, look-down-their-noses-at-all-they-see, mirror-worshipping, body obsessed, joyless sociopaths who I gladly find myself very rarely in the company of.

  2. I thought this was a great post, and I totally understand your righteous indignation about these ‘exclusive and elite’ gatherings.
    However, to me they are like a gathering of seagulls, or Maserati owners. I never have been, never will be one of them so I don’t feel offended or excluded from their get-togethers. Neither would I ever want to be part of them. Their focus on age and appearance takes away any fun and attractiveness, in my opinion.

  3. I think you’re already fairly aware of my feelings on elitist events! Whilst I understand events that cater for specific kinks, I hate events that exclude on age and I especially hate events that make selections on perceived attractiveness. My impression is these places are full of ‘pretty people’, that is no reference to their attractiveness more the entitled attitude that comes with making onto an elite list.

    On reflection maybe it’s a good idea these places exist, let’s keep the elite and entitled away from those of us who aren’t worried about having a hair out of place or our make up smudged after a great fuck!

  4. This reminded me of a thread on Fetlife a year or so ago along the same lines. I took issues with it then and these now. especially this ….. Please include facial &” body colour” photos of both partners, ideally together. Am I just reading it wrong or have they cleverly worded it do you think ?

    Are they including Racism, along with all the other isum’s.

  5. Men in suits, women in lingerie.

    So, no Dommes either (well, not this one, that’s for sure).

  6. Myself and M are not interested in clubs. After reading this, in a way, I am glad not to have to fight this battle! We really couldn’t be doing with that sort of drama.

    Velvet x

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