A Response to Pamela Anderson and the Rabbi

Well, ya got trouble, my friend, right here,
I say, trouble right here in Internet City.
Why sure I’m a penis player,
Certainly mighty proud I say
I’m always mighty proud to say it.
I consider that the hours I spend
With a cock in my hand are golden.
Help you cultivate horse sense
And a cool head and a keen eye.
Did ya ever take and try to give
An iron-clad tease to yourself
From a threesome come shot?

But just as I say,
It takes judgement, brains, and maturity to score
In a porn-hub game,
I say that any boob can take
And fondle a ball in a pocket.
And they call that sloth.
The first big step on the road
To the depths of deg-ra-Day–
I say, first, a centerfold in a magazine,
Then lube from a bottle.
An’ the next thing ya know,
Your son is wankin’ for money
In a latex suit.
And list’nin to some big out-a-town Jasper
Hearin’ him tell about circle jerk party.
Not a wholesome Hetero date, no!
But a date where someone is dressed up like a horse!
Like to see some stuck-up jockey’boy
Sittin’ on Dan Patch’s cock? Make your blood boil?
Well, I should say.
Friends, let me tell you what I mean.
You got one, two, three, four, five, six tube channels.
Channels that mark the diff’rence
Between a gentlemen and a bum,
With a capital “B,”
And that rhymes with “P” and that stands for porn!

And all week long your Internet City
Youth’ll be wankin away,
I say your young men’ll be wankin!
Wankin away their noontime, suppertime, choretime too!
Get the come from the cock,
Never mind gittin’ Pussy Willow pulled
Or the glory hole patched or the beefcake pounded.
Never mind blockin’ any websites
‘Til your parents are caught with Netflix empty
On a Saturday night and that’s trouble,
Oh, yes we got lots and lots a’ trouble.
I’m thinkin’ of the kids in the knickerbockers,
Shirt-tail young ones, peekin’ in the porn
web window after school, ya got trouble, folks!

Right here in Internet City.
Trouble with a capital “T”
And that rhymes with “P” and that stands for porn!
Now, I know all you folks are the right kinda parents.
I’m gonna be perfectly frank.
Would ya like to know what kinda conversation goes
On while they’re loafin’ around those pornsites?
They’re tryin’ out Xhamster, tryin’ out YouPorn,
Tryin’ out Torrent Downloads like Masturbating Fiends!
And braggin’ all about
How they’re gonna cover up a tell-tale browser history.
One fine night, they leave the porn site,
Headin’ for the dance at the Arm’ry!
Libertine men and Scarlet women!
And Rap Music, shameless music
That’ll grab your son and your daughter
With the arms of a jungle animal instinct!
Wank-steria!
Friends, the idle brain is the devil’s playground!

People:
Trouble, oh we got trouble,
Right here in Internet City!
With a capital “T”
That rhymes with “P”
And that stands for Porn,
That stands for porn.
We’ve surely got trouble!
Right here in Internet City,
Right here!
Gotta figure out a way
To keep the young ones moral after school!
Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble…

Harold:
Mothers of River City!
Heed that warning before it’s too late!
Watch for the tell-tale sign of corruption!
The minute your son leaves the house,
Does he start looking at porn on his smartphone?
Is there a callused palm on his right hand?
A vibrator hidden in the sock drawer?
Is she starting to memorize quotes from Cosmopolitan Magazine
Are certain words creeping into their conversation?
Words like, like ‘bellend?”
And ‘I’d like to suck that old man?”
Well, if so my friends,
Ya got trouble,
Right here in Internet city!
With a capital “T”
And that rhymes with “P”
And that stands for Porn.
We’ve surely got trouble!
Right here in River City!
Remember the Maine, Plymouth Rock and the Golden Rule!
Oh, we’ve got trouble.
We’re in terrible, terrible trouble.
That game with the stiff little cock is a devil’s tool!
Oh yes we got trouble, trouble, trouble!
With a “T”! Gotta rhyme it with “P”!
And that stands for Porn!!!

Michael
P.S. For those of you who aren’t as ancient as I am here is the original