Last year in the Raddison Blu in Bristol I was in a conversation with several rather well known sex bloggers and I wondered out loud about why sex toy marketing of vibrators didn’t include marketing to men, to buy them for their partners. Yes I know I am being very hetero-normative here but cut me some slack. I am after all a cis het male.
You see I have bought many of Molly’s toys and I thought that might be a way for toy companies to sell more stuff. I would like it if I saw toy ads that showed me things that I could use to bring Molly more pleasure, after all they aren’t afraid to market me items that will cause her pain.
But I was informed that while it seemed like a good idea, well, not all men are as comfortable as I am with buying their partner a sex toy. That, in fact, many men see sex toys as competition and are jealous of them. This was news to me, something I had never even considered.
For a relatively bright guy I can have some seriously dim moments. Of course their are plenty of men who would be jealous, the male ego is a fragile thing (mine included) many of us center our sexual prowess around the only thing that stands out (pun intended) as making us male. Our penis. And if a sex toy can not only do the things our penis can do, but other things as well. Then why would a women need us?
That is the thing, many women don’t need men, many men don’t need women. But for those that identify as I do, well, you might be able to see how a vibrators that heats, swirls, vibrates, rotates, dances the tango on her clit and goes on for hours might make a guy feel like his job is to go make the sandwich.
And if all sex was about was the orgasm that might be the case. But it isn’t is it? It is about all the things before during and after the orgasm. Sure her glass dildo might make her come, but it sure isn’t going to make her laugh now is it? And the joy of exploring and trying new things just isn’t the same on your own. It’s having someone to play with, and someone who wants to find out ways to make it better for you too, that makes it all work.
So stop being silly, if you partner prefers a toy to you then it is best to know that so you can find out why that is.
And fix it together.