I got a comment on my post Marks of Excellence from the lovely Miss J (who I only know from twitter TBH) and was inspired to make it into a post.
Ok, fine, Molly suggested I make it into a post. 😛
|I love the way you’ve written this piece. Also if I may ask, when you’re doing this, you sound you’re in control, which I think you are. But has it ever been that you’ve lost your composure and actually hurt someone?|
Hi Miss J,
Thanks for reading and I want to answer your question by saying that I draw a definite distinction between hurt and harm. Hurting Molly is almost always part of our BDSM, the very nature of it requires that some kind of pain be inflicted, but harm well that is a whole different kettle of fish. Harm causes lasting damage that is bad for everyone involved and if done intentionally crosses the line between BDSM and abuse. When someone consents to be hurt by me that places a great burden on everyone (not just me)to take care so that line is not crossed. Now accidents do and have happened, no one is perfect, but the trick is to know and acknowledge that it has happened, not to ignore it and hope no one noticed. I have had blows of the Cat of Nine Tails miss their mark and she really hates that. Clubs can be dimly lit places and I often have to tell her to be still (she is a wiggler) because hitting a moving target is always harder.
The control you have mentioned is really the key. Molly can let go and know that I will stay aware and in control. That takes trust and that needs to be built. Losing control to the point where I might not know that I am harming her would ruin that trust. So I have some simple rules.
Never play while angry.
Never play when tired.
Never play while under the influence of any substance.
And all those rules apply to the people I am playing with.
So in short, no I haven’t harmed anyone I have played with. I would be ashamed of myself if I did. But if it did happen I would make damn sure to own up to it and learn how to avoid it in the future.