I was told that I was terrifying over the weekend and that always surprises me, but it got me thinking about perception and more precisely how I perceive other people in the D/s life and maybe just a little bit of how I might be perceived. It all comes down your your point of view.
To me it has always seemed that the ones that proclaim their darkness or domliness the loudest are the ones that you need to worry about the least. The same goes for those who spend their time talking about their twue subbiness.
I have always been wary of the pomp and circumstance of D/s. Many people seem to get caught up in the look of D/s that it becomes more like a fashion show than an actual exploration of kink. I get that people get excited and that they love to pay dress up, but at a certain point it seems to be more about the label and less about the doing. I have on many occasion witnessed the strutting uber dom type more than happy to put anyone up on the cross and swing at them with a whip with no thought or care to what they are really doing apart from to look around the room to see if people are watching them. They are the ones, in the name of showing off, who are most likely to get it wrong because it is about the performance for the watchers not about the person on the cross, or bench or whatever.
I see the same pattern repeat itself online. People who label themselves “Predator”, “Primal”, “Alpha” and more. Sorry folks, but predators don’t announce what they are and if it they do, please go put them in jail because that is where they belong. It isn’t about what you say. It is about what you do. So the ones you need to keep your eye on are the ones that watch and listen quietly, learning and honing their skill until they are sure of what they are doing. They are the ones who pick up a toy, or implement or piece of pipe at a hardware store and wonder what this would do for the person they hit. They don’t care if they dress the part they care about what speaks to them, moves them in that indefinable way. They are the ones that are in fact bad in a good way. They are not interested in the performance, or the watcher, they are interested in creating something exciting with and for the person they are playing with.
I have decided that it is OK that some people might be a little terrified when I sit back down after a play session and I am fondling the implement that I just used like I am sad the moment it over. They are correct. I want to do it all over again and so maybe, just maybe, they are right. Maybe I am terrifying, but in a good way.
But that is just my point of view.
P.S. I know my twitter handle is @domsigns, but I don’t like the dom part. If @signs hadn’t already been taken I would have snapped that up and it makes me very sad that the user that has it hasn’t tweeted in 2428 days.