Are you thinking about having lunch?
This is a question I get asked on a fairly regular basis. I have learned that it doesn’t mean what a normal person thinks that it means. It is a very English thing that took me a while to catch on too. As a murrican I am used to directness. I think it is why Brits tend to think that we are rude. We ask for what we want, stunning, I know.
When the lovely and sexy Molly asks me the lunch question what it really means is “I am hungry, would you make me lunch?” but couched in that way that seems to be solicitous of me. And I used to take it that way. I would often respond with “No, I don’t think I am hungry right now.” and then Molly would look sad.
It took time for me to learn how to decode this very odd method of asking for things. It turns out that it is often considered very rude to just ask for what you want. When I talked to Molly about it she would often say that she felt bad for asking and that she was the sub and it was her place to do things for me. The part that makes it tougher for her is that, well, frankly I know how to make things the way she likes. I have introduced her to so many different thing, or even, things that she has had before, just not the way I make them.
I have even improved on coffee. Now what I haven’t improved on much (there has been some progress) is just getting her to ask for what she wants. She has made enough progress to go so far as to ask “Please may I have my coffee soon?” Which is a step in the right direction.
While I want to help her get to a place where she can be more direct when circumstance call for it I don’t want her to lose that certain charm that comes from her current approach, after all I did marry a Cockney lass. But I do want her to be prepared for when we do return to the US she is aware that we need a much more direct approach. Otherwise she might not get what she wants.
This applies to D/s as well, I want her to ask for it. I like when she asks, it doesn’t mean that she gets that thing exactly but she will get something. On those rare occasions where she holds out the whip to me and says please in that tiny little voice. Well that fires the Dom part of me right up.
I like to be asked.
2 thoughts on “If you don’t ask, you don’t get”
Oh yes. It can be a French Canadian/Québécois/Finnish thing too. My beloved is Finnish Scottish, and I was raised among a culture of required hospitality very similiar to what you describe with Molly. We have a deal here. If we are on different schedules we eat when we are hungry. If my beloved is thinking about eating out, he offers before I start dinner. If I am ill, he makes a meal for both of us.
If I need a healthy snack, I make one, simply because my dietary needs are often different than his.
I always offer tea or coffee and make it, unless I’m ill. I make the cookies or other complicated dishes. He makes his mother’s oatmeal cookies, and his wheat bread, and cleans up after himself, because I have a gluten intolerance issue, and an allergic reaction that ends in an asthma attack to airborne wheat flour particles.
Mostly we eat the same food, made for my allergies, but there are times I make two different dishes if the equivalent dish in the dairy free gluten free category doesn’t taste the same.
And yes, I have had to clue him in when I’m dying for some playtime. When he’s in the mood, he simply attacks without much warning. If I’m cooking, or baking, I get a few seconds to secure the food.
I’m not sure where you are from originally, but I thought this was a Midwestern American thing.
“Are you cold with that window open?” Means I would like to shut the window because I’m cold but I don’t want to ruin his breeze if he was enjoying it.
In the same way “Would you like to beat me tonight?” means I really, really am desperate for that and I’m hoping he wants it too.