I love words, they move me in so many ways. When I read a good book, or a brilliantly written blog post.
Or when Molly says them to me. When she calls me Sir it gives my the same thrill that it did the first time she said it to me. When we are having sex and she is about to come and she says “Fuck me” or when she says “Tell me” or even just gives me that pleading look and I know what she wants to hear is. “Come you dirty little bitch.”
They have a power that is compelling and we try to use them to spur each other on. Now there are words that turn her on that don’t do anything for me. Except that they turn her on, so sometimes I will verbalize scenarios that play to those desires for her. I want to give her pleasure and not make her feel that those scenes are not out of bounds in fantasy even if I have trouble with them in real life. Turning her on turns me on.
I know she likes to do the same for me but I tend to discourage her from doing exactly what I do. She will whisper in my ear words that turn me on that I know don’t do it for her and often I will try and shift what she is saying to something that I know is more shared. Why? Well that is a damn fine question and the truth of it is that I don’t have a great answer other than it makes me uncomfortable, maybe a bit like I have lost a some of the control in that moment where she is acting something she doesn’t really feel. And I know she is doing it for the same reason I do the same with her.
And I understand the appeal, when you say the words that help drive another person over the edge you have a moment of power. You feel very in charge and maybe that is the difference. That I find it hard to be the one who, even if it is just for a moment, isn’t in control.
I may have to try an experiment. Make her play the role that I know doesn’t exactly do it for her. Make her do it for me and then, maybe, it won’t feel like I am the one surrendering in that moment.
I think we will give that a try. Maybe I will even report back on how it went.