Kitten and I holding hands for Who's your Daddy

Who’s your Daddy?

There is a new chapter of my life that I want to talk about. I know this is a sensitive area for some and certainly is a contentious one in the D/s community. People have strong opinions often based on misconceptions. I have hesitated to write this post because I know that some feel strongly enough about it (even in the BDSM world) to call it perverse.

I am kitten’s Daddy.

That is a powerful thing to say and for many people they immediately think the worst. And they will mostly think the worst about me. I have seen plenty of people on Twitter and Tumblr say that they can see nothing good in this subset of D/s, that it is in fact, abuse. What makes this extra irritating is that I have already had to endure people calling BDSM abuse, and now I have to once again defend my choices, but this time to kinky people.

Yes, what we do is considered taboo, like all of the rest of D/s,  we are playing with those mysteries of the human mind that intersects with our sexuality.

As with Molly, I am the Dom that kitten has chosen to guide her as she learns what her submission means to her. This evolution involved many long discussion about the things that she desired and how those things meshed with me. When we first agreed that she wished to submit to me and that I was willing to accept her submisson I called her pet and she called me sir. But as those explorations and discussions continued those names changed. She became kitten and eventually I became Daddy.

Here are the things that this doesn’t mean to us.

  • That she is my “daughter” or that either of us think of her as related to me.
  • That when she is “little” that she is underage for the purposes of sexual play.
  • She does not dress “little”.
  • No diapers or baby play.
  • There is no age regression.

Here are some things it does mean to us.

  • That I nurture her and care for her, sometimes in a way that is more paternal.
  • That the difference in age does play into it.
  • We do have snuggles and cuddles.
  • She does have stuffies. (cuddly toys)
  • Discipline.
  • Fun.

I get that people are concerned about what DD/lg play means. That it is really just a cover for a darker taboo. That isn’t the case at all. We are all well above the age of consent, we are engaging in a kink that works for us and harms no one else. I am not saying that there are not people out there for whom this is a cover, just like there are those who use BDSM as a cover for abuse. I am trying to help kitten become the best version of herself she can be and giving her and I a space to learn what that means to each of us. I want to help her realize that she is already a strong, talented, powerful woman.

As far as we are concerned this journey has been a very good one so far and as for the future, well, none of us know what that will bring, but we will embrace those changes as they come and make the best of it all.

I should also note that this is not the only aspect of kink that kitten and I are exploring. We often have in depth discussions about the things that turn her on and how we can turn some of these things from fantasy to some form of reality. Some will be a smashing successes and some will be the discovery that some things are hotter in our heads than they are in real life.


Sinful Sunday


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23 thoughts on “Who’s your Daddy?

  1. Oh bravo Mr signs! This has had me, Little bear and kitten (are Kitten) in tears. (good ones). Nobody should have to defend their kink, and defently not to others in kink. What happened to your kink is not my kink, but that’s ok?!?!
    Now from 3 very different littles, thank you for speaking up and putting numpty’s straight!
    Pixie, Kitten, and little bear!

  2. I can kind of understand people who have absolutely no knowledge of how kink works maybe getting this wrong but when it is people in the community I am utterly baffled


  3. Beautifully put. When I see you use kitten and her Daddy. I never went to the little part of kink. I just never was drawn there with what I read from ya’ll. It also could be that my community is pretty inclusive of all kinks. If you can name a kink there is properly a group or a someone in the community here that I can refer you too. Of course, there are some that are not but we do have a very expansive collection of kinks. So that being said, if ya’ll ever find yourself in the Central Texas area of the US, drop me a line and I will see if there is anything going on. Kink On!

      1. Thanks for writing about this. I am quite new to Kink and when I first came across the dynamic I was very wary. Now I see what is going on I accept that it’s a safe and nurturing dynamic. I also noted what Feve had to say – all very interesting. I am blown away by the courage and honesty of the kinky people I am fortunate to have encountered on-line and in person. Thanks again Michael for speaking out about your relationships.

  4. Kayla and I had much defending and explaining to do when we first identified as Daddy and babygirl. We persevered and we are who we are. It is sad that thee are some who look down on this dynamic when it is such a nurturing one. Thankfully we too have a good local community here that accepts all kinks and is even open to listening and willing to understand those they don’t know about.
    I am happy for you and kitten for what you have and what you are building.

  5. It’s such a shame that you are facing judgement and negativity from within the kink community (from people who should know better, frankly) when people just need to do a little bit of reading and research.
    I was fascinated with the DD/lg dynamic when I first started exploring my kinky side, and my submission has a lot of little in it. Bear has a lot of Daddy in the way he looks after me. It seems to me that many couples do the same things as you and kitten, just without the “Daddy” title. So it’s not the acts or the dynamic they have a problem with, just the label.

  6. [Musing aloud…]

    Male submissives rarely identify as ‘little’ (not that they aren’t little, just that the label is seldom used), yet in M/f relationships it is pretty much assumed that the dominant partner will default either to {a} psycho sadistic bitch, or {b} nurturing guide / motherly carer.

    And for people who live in the real world (as opposed to living in a FemDom porn fantasy), option B is a fairly common manifestation of the dynamic.

    So apparently it’s okay to be momma (and I have been, with past partners) but not daddy, and according to this “logic” it’s completely ‘normal’ for men to need rules and structure and nurture and even “childlike” (in perception, not reality) spanky discipline from a dominant female partner… But if the relationship is M/f, that’s not okay?

    Obviously sexism is alive and well and thriving in all walks of life, even (and sometimes especially) where you’d expect better of people.

  7. I’m always so baffled when people within the community don’t understand/don’t take the time to understand the DD/lg/kitten dynamic. It’s frustrating and unnecessary. I think it’s great you have found each other and your kinks align.

  8. Everyone has different needs…and when we find someone who can share them, fulfill them, or at least support them, we are very blessed, indeed. I think it’s a shame we need to explain anything to anyone.

  9. This is where concepts like education, communication, respect and consent come in. You three are doing all of those and that’s what makes it work. So many judge something with little knowledge about what they are judging and this is true within the community too. They call themselves Kinksters but still hold on to the vanilla mentality. Instead of exploring and learning about all of the different flavors of what being kinky and sexual can mean, they are stuck with the same vanilla flavor due to fear, guilt or shame. They are kinky in name only. I’ve seen the same kind of thing happen when former Christians decide to be Pagan. They cling to the Christian teachings while claiming a Pagan title and then judge anyone who thinks differently. The judgments of others says a whole lot more about themselves than it does about you. But I know it’s still hard to take. Life is suppose to be a learning experience and we learn by experiencing things. We all should be open to the process.

  10. We also have the DD/lg thing in our relationship. I wish I could write about it as well as you have here.

    We have to take extra care, because it is easy for a disabled person being cared for (I am silverdrop’s primary care-giver) to become infantilised in a bad way. We think it helps that we had that dynamic before she became disabled.

    Beautiful image.

  11. I loved your post and the openness of who you are, or who you can be. I am surprised at at how narrow-minded some people in the kink community seem to be and I feel fortunate to have been influenced far more by those who are welcoming and accepting and inclusive of difference. So many men I know have the nurturing part to their personality and to their Dominance so to take that one step further seems natural to me if that is what works for you. HisLordship and I also have an element of that in our relationship, although I would identify more as middle than little or pet. I love your picture too 😊

  12. I am surprised people in the kink community are quite so narrow minded. Personally what ever makes you happy and you do seem happy is fine by me. Plus of course Cara is wonderful, it is easy to see why you have fallen for each other.

  13. Thank you for writing this Michael. I have followed your relationship with Cara via online media and could see nothing but positivity regarding it. I know what abuse entails so It makes me sooo cross when people who have no idea, come along and feel they have the right to judge others. Grrrrrr! Good wishes to the three of you …

  14. It is so sad and depressing that, even within the kink community, the DD/lg can be so misunderstood. I am a little and since I’ve embraced it I am much happier. Nothing beats a good Daddy!
    Cara is a very lucky little kitten!

  15. I’m going to be very honest. I don’t like the DD/lg or any reference to ‘Daddy’ within a sexual relationship. I find it incredibly triggering. I do not judge anyone who does have that dynamic but I cannot change my response. I veer away from any writing about that dynamic because of the number of times that I have stumbled across phrases such as, “Give me your cum Daddy to make me a big girl.” Anything like that crosses my hard limits because it does reference child abuse.

    I do, however, love that you have a dynamic that makes you, Cara and Molly happy.

  16. I don’t like to curse but in this case I have to say, fuck em! I am amazed there are people within the kink community that would make anyone feel ashamed of the choices of 2 consenting adults. I really think it shows ignorance into what being someone’s ‘daddy’ actually means in regards to kink. I am very happy for you both and that your relationship has progressed to a place where you have found the right dynamic and titles.
    Aurora x

  17. What I don’t understand and will never understand is why we have to defend who we are and what we do. Yes, I get it that not everyone knows everything about kink, but if you don’t know about something you shouldn’t judge, right? In my opinion it’s much better to gain more knowledge about a subject and if you then still not agree or like it, then you can step away and respect that others have made their choice. Why judge? I will never get it.
    What you have with your Kitten and what you have with Molly is something between the three of you – consenting adults. People should just respect that, whether they agree with it or not.

    Sorry, I had to rant a bit because this happens far too much to my liking that we are judged because we are ‘different’.

    Love the image!

    Rebel xox

  18. I love this image, it really made me smile.

    We have an element of DD/lg in our relationship but don’t feel the labels work for us personally. However, why people can’t just let others get on with their relationships I will never be able to understand. It’s a fairly simple concept really, you do your relationship(s) and let others do theirs!

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