Confidence, arm holding a crop


Being a Dom means you are always confident, right?

Your cock is always hard, your flogger aim is always true, you never miss hearing a safeword and even if you do, your mind reading abilities will quickly handle that little problem. You are always sure of yourself, always knowing what to do in any circumstance, always making the right decision.

Or not..

Oddly I am an actual human being with all the flaws and foibles of any other person and as such I am not always confident. There are many times when I am not brimming with the stuff. So the question is how can I be Dom if I am not confident?

Confidence is a funny thing, too much and you’re an arrogant ass, too little and you end up being timid. It is easy to lose that balance and slide towards either end of the spectrum. Personally (others may disagree) I have less trouble with the arrogance side and more trouble with the loss of self assurance, and in the end it is about re-finding that belief in yourself. Sure the opinions of those in your life that you respect can help reassure you, but in the end we tend to only believe that negative inner voice. You know those voices, (unless you are a psychopath, in which case the voices are telling you something very different) they are those nagging voices reminding you that you are too old, too out of shape, and not worthy.

Just like many other things it isn’t just about D/s, but about life and the way you deal with problems in life. This is the same approach I take when my D/s confidence suffers. I do something that I know I can accomplish. There is nothing like being successful by doing what you know you are good at. I use this technique when I am faced with a technical problem that I just can’t figure out. I stop working on it. I do something else that I know I can do and then when I am feeling that flush of satisfaction I turn back to that problem that has been deviling me and almost always I find that stepping back has let my mind see the solution.

Once I have found that confident state of mind…

She better watch out




6 responses to “Confidence”

  1. Excellent post. I have always struggled with my confidence. I have top/dom sensibilities, but often doubt myself or my capabilities, this has cost me a relationship in the past. I think some subs feel a dom has all the answers and this too adds to the insecurities that I/ we have. Just nice to hear from someone who has had similar but maybe not as acute experiences

    1. I really wanted to share that there is a perceptual burden to being the Dom and that what we show the world might not be a complete picture as to who we are and what we feel. Thanks

  2. I like your technique for regaining confidence when it fails. Simple but effective.

    1. That’s me in a nutshell, simple.. but effective 😛

  3. Great post. I will share this with my Sir. I’m interested to hear his thoughts on it.

    1. I would love to hear his opinion as well!

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